Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
