how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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