apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You ruined the universe
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
