please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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