The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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