If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
