Screwed.edu
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
