we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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