I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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