I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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