In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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