He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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