Whoa Z and x make the same sound
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
