The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
