she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
