Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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