I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
