The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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