I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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