i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
