Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
