I didn't shave. On purpose
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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