I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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