The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
