i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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