ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
