I CAN MOONWALK!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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