Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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