Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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