Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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