Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
