dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
