He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
