If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
