hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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