In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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