So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
