well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
