Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize