Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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