omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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