if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
