Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize