o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize