He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
