if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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