you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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