So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
