It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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