Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
