drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
