i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
