6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
