I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
