Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
