Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
