Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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