it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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