my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she pinky promised me she was 18
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
