AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
