I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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