LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
