So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize