You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
