Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
