well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
