We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
