dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
