Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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