Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you had me at cake vodka
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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