he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
