Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
