VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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