my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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