I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
