Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
