Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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