Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dignity is for republicans.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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